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The webmaster refuses to format these like an actual script ("it'll take an hour, and you're not paying me!"), so bear with us.  This one has 5 characters, written for (and ideally for) a sketch comedy troupe with limited settings and props.

Intellectual Love

Two MEN sit in a coffeehouse talking.

MAN 1: Sheila and I broke up.

MAN 2: What's this you say?

MAN 1: Oh, Sheila has elected to dissolve our once-redoubtable relationship due to incorrigable discrepancies, which has left me lugubrious to speak in a finite sense.

MAN 2:  Ah.  What rational divisive anomalies exist betwixt you?

MAN 1:  Well, Charles, she earnestly grants credulity towards Gordon Wood's thesis concerning the radical intellectual rearing of the American Revolution.  Such farcical notions are inherantly and gelastically preposterous.  Macro-revolution cannot progenerate absent pandemic socioeconomic asperities.

MAN 2 (slapping his head, speaking slowly):  Oh, you stupid twat.  What a silly thing to argue!

MAN 1:  What do you mean?

MAN 2: Unequivocally, revolution can unearth its origins inside the minds of its citizens founded on extreme grievances.  Elseways, you denigrate the supremacy of ethically-superior ideals.

MAN 1: You honestly believe the verbal cajolings of some half-breed Anglo-Saxons can stir thousands to arms?

MAN 2: They can!

MAN 1: Can not!

MAN 2: Can too!

MAN 1: Can not!

MAN 2: Can too!

MAN 1: Can not!

MAN 2: Can too!

MAN 1: Can not!

MAN 2: Oh, here comes Ruppert.  Let's ask him.

[Ruppert walks by and stops when Man 2 grabs him]

MAN 1: Ruppert, please inform this gentlemen that macroeconomics construe a vital role within the hierarchy of revolutionary forces which cannot possibly be trumped by the blathering prattle of a few ministerial rejects?

MAN 2:  Oh, there you go again, rejecting the intrinsic value of linguistic inveiglement.  That is so stereotypical of a dominant heterosexual male.

RUPPERT:  (pause, spoken slowly) I teach physics.

[Ruppert walks away]

MAN 1: (pause) He clearly agrees with me.

MAN 2: Does not!

MAN 1: Does too!

MAN 2: Does not!

MAN 1: Does too!  Look, if you fervently believe this poppycock, why don't I release possession of her telecommunication contact information?  Given your concurrance with her, she'd find you acceptible as a life research associate.

[He starts writing down a phone number on a sheet of paper]

MAN 1: You two can gambol and frolic in titantic and voluminous fields of clover, and maintain your bucolic pastoral existence of guileless naivete.  Go and cogitate on your ideas together....

[He holds out the sheet of paper].

MAN 2 (laughing):'re forgetting I study philosophy.

MAN 1 (dumbfounded): (pause)  Oh.

[He rips the information up.  MAN 4 comes up and sits next to them, looking gloomy]

MAN 4: Hi, guys.

MAN 1: What's wrong with you?

MAN 4: Marissa and I dissolved our once-mutual affection-based bond last night.

MAN 1 (laughing):  "Bond?"  What, are you studying chemistry now?

MAN 2: Oh, relieve your acerbic barbery.  Sheila unattached herself from his company last night as well; his current insecurity regarding the validity of his principles causes him to, well, be a prick.  I'd surmise a bit of existential despar as well.

MAN 1:  It's always existential despair with you.  (to Man 4) So what grave and baleful machinations drove her in a polarized direction?

MAN 4: According to her, my amorous fruitions in the boudoir held a paucity of elan vital.

MAN 1: Oh, no!  You impovershed man.

MAN 4: Well, that and I audibly observed of late that her posterior had ripened well past that of her matriacrchal figure.

MAN 1: Oh, damn.

MAN 4: I understand and comprehend.

MAN 2: You know, there's a school of moral thought which suggests....

MAN 1 and MAN 4: Shut up!

MAN 1: Women.  Injurious to amalgamate with them; injurious to dissociate and categorically segregate from them.

[A SERVER comes over and refills their cups]

MAN 4: Chicks.

MAN 1: Dumb, stupid Chicks.

[The SERVER turns towards the camera/audience]

SERVER:  Bookworms... who knew inflatable women could cause so much pain?
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